Real thoughts of being in the NICU

Last night I had a good cry for the first time in a week. I’ve had frustrated/ tired tears, but not a good sit down and feel my emotions kind of cry. I didn’t fall asleep at 7:30, so I guess I finally got to think. 

Ollie is coming home today. Aaron’s mom is going to be watching him for us. I’m so ready for our family to be together. It’s not the first time I’ve been away from him for a week. We went with the youth a couple summers ago, but this time it’s hard to not feel like I’ve abandoned him for another child. 

We haven’t had our Christmas yet. We wanted to leave all the decorations up for Ollie (except for the Elf on the Shelf who went back to the North Pole). The tree is beyond dead. We haven't had time to throw it away, anyway. Last night I made sure his stocking was ready and this morning, I made the  discovery that one of our animals got into it and ate half of the chocolate and hid the gummy worms somewhere haven’t been able to find. 

I have little tasks I am able to do with Harper that help my sanity a lot. I’m able to take her temperature and change her diaper. She has a talent of going whenever she’s in between diapers no matter how quick I am about it. We also do skin to skin whenever she is being fed through the feeding tube. She is being fed a bottle every other feeding and is rocking it. 

I’m also trying to soak up as much information from the nurses because there are so many different ways to do things with a preemie. 

Slowly more and more equipment is being taken away from her room. The only tube on her face is her feeding tube. She is no longer on oxygen and is now in a bed without any kind of heat. She is so close to being back to her birth weight. 

I’ve really been conscientious of my mental health, as women are more likely to get postpartum depression when their child is in the NICU. I’ve also been making a point to keep up with my daily Bible reading and to be more focused on giving thanks and praise with my prayers rather than just requests. Lastly, I have been trying to tackle more of my Rory Gilmore reading list and have been including Harper in on it when she is awake. She likes to make noise when I’m reading to her.