Am I with a Two Year-Old? Checklist

If you invite a friend with you to the zoo and you are suspicious that he/she is a two year-old, I have created a helpful checklist.

1. He/she will call every animal a "turkey*." The quirky person may copy the words you say, such as "tiger," or "monkey," just to be polite, but then they will whisper/yell "turkey." 

2. He/she will pick one animal and refuse to leave it. As a a rule, it must be the most boring animal in the zoo. For example, I was with a two year-old (we will call him Ollie, because that is his name) last week who chose a porcupine. The porcupine slept in his shed the entire fifteen minutes we were there. Ollie must have thought it was rude for us to leave without a way of telling the porcupine we stopped by. However sharp** the porcupine appears, he can't read, So Ollie decided to stick*** around to tell him his greetings. 

3.  He/she  will also insist on testing the integrity of various structures of the zoo, such as steps and the lion fountain. Thanks to my companion, I now know that the steps are still intact, no matter how many times we go up and down them, and the fountain has water every time you push the button****. Fascinating. 

4.He/she will decide that the best way to observe animals is to not observe animals. It is best to look at every other thing in the enclosure. My associate thought it was ridiculous I would ask his reasoning for this and refused to give me an answer. 

5. He/she will drop his snacks on the ground Hansel/ Gretel style. Your companion will be very concerned about getting lost and will make up for his lack of navigation by marking various places you have been. 

*This could be substituted with any animal

**pun intended 

***pun always intended 

****tantrum will be thrown if you suggest other activities that won't waste the city's resources